The New York Observer vs. Spanx

In case you hadn't heard, Spencer Morgan over at the New York Observer has decided that Spanx kills off all the passion in the bedroom. He says:

Removing the things—think wetsuit—presents a direct threat to the delicate status of the lovemaking at hand.

I can see that. They aren't nearly as cute as my matching red lace bra set. Or my black push up bra and matching panties. And I certainly wouldn't want Spanx in my way when I'm getting involved in crazy hot monkey sex. But, being the smart woman that I am, I know ways to get around that. I can wear my Spanx out and yet still manage to get those suckers off before it's "go time."

And while I think it's charming that he believes that most heterosexual men still enjoy women's bodies, who can enjoy a woman in a clingy wrap dress with obvious bulges in the back? Spanx keeps everything in place when we're wearing one of those outfits that just don't have a lot of room for error, as it were.

He obviously didn't like wearing them. I don't blame him, really. He says:

My derriere, never a selling point for me, was now roughly the same color as my khakis rather than the usual pasty white.

Movement of the area, particularly any sort of plié-type motion, was severely impaired. And pudge around my stomach area was now made to grotesquely overflow about the edges of the wretched plastic.

One hour into the experiment, while numbing the mind with a glass of whisky, I noticed that I no longer had any sense of my manhood. That is, my boys were also numb, completely.

Dude. I'm with you. Spanx aren't for boys. Women don't have dangly parts, so we don't really have the same problem.

I think Spanx is going to be one of those things that will forever be misunderstood by men. And that's okay. Ladies, just remember: Spanx don't belong when you're ready for hot monkey sex. Do a quick change into sexy panties or just shove them in your purse while you're in the bathroom and let him think that you don't wear panties at all. Problem solved!